Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Are You Ready for ShakesPalin? Sarah-Speak 101

Head for cover - it's loaded!!!
The Wench of Wasilla is at it again....
Andy Warhol’s watch is either broken or somehow Sarah Palin sure got a hold of a lot of them. As if John McCain’s campaign for President wasn’t the 15 minutes of fame, Sarah Palin has come back again and again for another fifteen minute shot and another and another and another. Enough already. Her fifteen minutes must be biblical minutes or somebody’s helped her evade the rule. Sarah, honey, your fifteen minutes are up. We even gave you a nice going away present, GO AWAY!!!!

Message to Republicans, Independents, and T-Partiers, it’s time to refudiate Sarah Palin. You’re being sucked in. The press and the Democrats have a wicked fascination with her. They can’t get enough of her and like the bully in the schoolhouse who pulls the nerdy girl with big glasses’ pig tails; they can’t stop picking on her. Oh, they’re picking on poor little Sarah again. We’ve got to defend our girl.

Well is she our girl because she really amounts to something, or is it because we feel compelled to defend anyone who runs afoul of the Democrat far left big media machine? It’s almost like that Islamic thing – the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

If Ms. Palin is going to be (GULP) a national leader, can’t she please talk like a grown up and not the slut on the high school cheerleader’s squad? We can at least expect her to speak like someone who has gone to college – but jeez! Cool it with the “gonna’s,” the “you-betcha’s,” the “why-doncha’s,” and “gotcha’s.”

Now Sarah Palin has weighed in on plans to erect a mosque near “ground zero” in lower Manhattan, an Islamic statement of conquest within the shadow of where the twin towers once stood. The gal who hunts moose and blasts wolves and Bambi from a helicopter up in Alaska has come to New York’s defense (or is it offense since she’s so offensive), but she tweeted (is that using technology or is she just a bird brain – as Fox News would say, we report – you decide)…. "Ground Zero Mosque supporters: doesn't it stab you in the heart, as it does ours throughout the heartland? Peaceful Muslims, pls refudiate."

Okay you big ugly Muslims, she’s gotcha right? New York, don’t you feel safer now? Hold on, “refudiate” why does this word have the red underline from spellchecker? Ooops, it’s not in the dictionary either – at least not yet. Could she mean “repudiate?” Maybe she means “refute?” Maybe she’s such a lump she just doesn’t know one way or another. Sarah, sweetie, you got some ‘splainin’ to do.

The Sarah do-do bird tweets again. Wait aren’t do-do’s extinct? Wishful thinking for this subspecies, by golly. She twits or tweets again or is she just a tweet, but in her own words: (in place of the previous post), “""Refudiate," "misunderestimate," "wee-wee'd up." English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!"

Sarah does it again. There’s now “#ShakesPalin” in Twitter’s trending topics and “@ShakesPalin,” a Twitter account.

This led us to think of Sarah Palin as a Shakespearean character. How about Lady Macbeth, Gertrude, my fair Kate, Ophelia, Desdemona, or even Cleopatra?? Cleopatra, she did some crazy things with snakes didn’t she? Hold on, Shakespeare’s characters are complex, multidimensional, and nuanced whether heroine of villainess. These ladies of lore are far too sophisticated for the Caribou Barbie. Maybe the nutty old nurse from Romeo and Juliet? She’s loud and shrill, a bit of a goof. Once again, we’d be shaming old Bill from Avon to make that association.

Shakespeare might come to the rescue after all, representing darkness (as in an Alaskan winter), chaos (what follows Ms. Palin everywhere she goes) and conflict (‘nuff said on that one), in Macbeth Act 1.1, we meet the witches or the three weird sisters. For some one as whacked out as Sarah Palin, we’d need a Shakespearean trio!!!

Well, “Bubble-bubble, toil and trouble, by gosh.” Does that now answer another question, why so many Americans have been duped into following this wonder from the northlands? They’re all under the spell of witchcraft.

Line up at the registrar now for fall courses. The campus English department is proud to offer “ShakesPalin Tragedies” and ShakesPalin Comedies” and could anyone please tell the difference. Meanwhile, the theater department is having trouble with their first attempt to perform ShakesPalin – something about the leading lady and trying to put lipstick on a pig.

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