Friday, December 18, 2009

Two Feet of Snow Headed for Crab City and We're All Out of Kitty Litter!!!

...but you don't own a cat!

It doesn't matter. Say the "S" word in upper Chesapeake country and the denizens PANIC!!! Like lemmings, they're off to their favorite discount or home improvement store to buy huge quantities of rock salt, ice melt and snow shovels. (Hmm, what's that stuff piled up in the corner of the it's not from last year is it?) Surely, it would be a good idea to grab some long underwear at Walmart. Every resident of the household should have a working flash light with at least six two packs of batteries per unit for each day of expected confinement. Be sure each person has a fully stocked first aid kit, battery powered radio with ample replacement batteries (three changes per day), four pair of heavy duty blue jeans, and two thermal blankets.

A stop at the video rental store should be next on the agenda. Approximately eight to ten DVD's per expected day of confinement should be rented.

The next stop is the liquor store. Experts recommend that one should stock up with at least one case of beer for each adult of legal drinking age for each day of the expected time out of action. Figure on two days for each four inches of snow. Each adult for which beer is purchased, two bags of potato chips, one bag of corn chips, two jars of salsa, two jars of onion dip, and three cans of beer nuts are mandatory for each shut in day. Likewise, two bags of "Funions," pork rinds, and two pounds of beef jerky per day are also required. Count up the number of males at least twelve years old and purchase at least six large Slim Jim's per male per day.

Next head to the filling station. Pour in two bottles of dry gas and then fill the gas tank with 93 Octane Premium gasoline because some body's dad said it worked better especially for cold weather.

The final destination is the grocery store or grocery stores one of which should be Giant. The following items should be stocked up on in abundance?: two loafs plain white bread per occupant per day, one gallon of milk, four rolls of toilet paper, one dozen eggs, and three gallons of drinking water for each person for each day of expected confinement. Very important is the procurement of kitty litter, five pounds per day per confinement day. If one owns a cat, double the quantity for each cat in residence.

Remember, the materials listed above are what experts consider MINIMUM requirements. Additional material should be procured to the extent that one's family balance or personal credit limit can withstand.

Being prepared can be a matter of YOUR survival. Storms are always worse than predicted as the meteorologists would not want to report forecasts that could possibly cause undo panic or sensationalism. If you don't believe this we urge you consider two words, "Hurricane Katrina." Likewise, for those who have family members older than baby boomers who lived in Baltimore all their lives, ask them about the famous Palm Sunday Blizzard.

At 11:32 pm, WBAL-TV weatherman, Tom Tasslemyer reported that the oncoming storm should be a record for December in Maryland with expected accumulations of 20-30".

Stay tuned to your local TV stations for up-to-the-minute reportage. The Disaster Relief team at Rightminded Fellow will monitor the developments and report accordingly.

Now what was it President Obama was saying about global warming?

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