Mean Ugly Dictator Moves Into Uncle Larry's Neighborhood
Larry King has a certain charm, beneath his gruff Brooklyn-bred exterior, he's just a gentle old gabby fellow who just wants to know how the kids are doing, how do you like New York, and who's the most incredible person you ever met? Of course, you wouldn't tell old uncle Larry something you don't want the whole world to know. He's surely one to drop names. He's met them all. Likewise, he sure has lots of gabby gossip to talk about. From rock stars to astronauts, royalty to Miss America. He also likes interviewing really strange people -- those folks with the crazy look in their eyes always wide, wide open and a bad case of the jitters who painstakingly tell Uncle Larry about being abducted by aliens or how they've talked to dolphins.
He's gruff and persistent but if Uncle Larry ever tried to play hardball with his guests, he'd be tossing them Nerf balls! After bouncing around and running afoul with the law for grand larceny which he bargained down to a simple "no contest" to passing bad checks, a long career in broadcasting beckoned.
Soon Larry King became a fixture on the radio dial hosting an all night syndicated talk show on the Mutual Network that started off with a 90 minute interview segment then call-in talk show segment for the rest of the night. Yeah, old Larry was a nationwide cure for insomnia. "Next caller, Moose Fart, Montana, go ahead!"
That fame lead Uncle Larry to CNN just when the network was becoming a national big shot to be their big prime time star. He's been around since June, 1985 in front of the old fashioned microphone, no sports coat, in shirt sleeves and his classic suspenders. Back in 1985, there wasn't much competition in Larry's neighborhood. He reigned supreme. Larry King had been around for more than a decade when Fox News launched with some obnoxious blooter, Bill O'Reilly and a couple unknowns Hannity and Colmes. Today, they are smoking Uncle Larry in the ratings, but they still keep lined up to talk to Uncle Larry. You're nobody until you chew the fat with Uncle Larry.
Egads, what's this, no Sarah Palin, at least not yet. She must be a nobody. Does Uncle Larry feel squeamish about asking a woman what it's like to gun down a moose? Well, how about interviewing someone who wants to have a much bigger run than a moose rifle. How about an atomic bomb? Of course, such a hunter wouldn't need an atom bomb to kill a moose, but it sure would come in handy to scare the poopy pants off of the great Satan and to push Israel into the sea.
Welcome Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. So how are the kids Mr. Islamic terrorist dictator? What do you like about visiting New York, chum?
Here's the transcript to the interview. Read it and weep!
It's nice to know all's well with Mahmoud's family. He's just real regular guy. Next caller, Buffalo Breath, Wyoming....
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