Sprint Cup: The Chase - Race 8: For the Competition Finding Enough Rattlesnakes and Texas Steer Might Not Be Enough to Stop Johnson

RACE: Dickies 500
PLACE: Texas Motor Speedway
DATE: Sunday, November 2, 2008
TIME: 3:00 pm. EST
WEATHER: 82F

Sure there’s still a Chase going on. Jimmie Johnson hasn’t locked up anything and some drivers haven’t been mathematically eliminated. Carl Edwards, Greg Biffle and Jeff Burton are still in the running. However, Edwards is behind by 183 points, Biffle by 185, and Burton by 218. That means Edwards needs to gain 61 points a race, Biffle – 62 points, and Burton – 73 points to pull even. As such, if Edwards or Biffle were to win all three races, Johnson would need to have an average finish of around 14th or lower depending on laps led to pull even. Translation, all Jimmie Johnson needs to do is average a top 10 finish for three races, he’s got his championship.

Johnson’s a pretty sharp driver at keeping out of trouble on the race track and Hendricks equipment doesn’t usually blow up, so from any perspective, it’s hard to imagine Johnson could have enough bad luck not to win the title. Only a wreck or serious mechanical failure that would throw him to a finish close to the bottom could really open things up for the other contenders, but considering how quickly Kyle Busch fell from the top to the bottom and how dominant he had been, anything is possible.

Meanwhile, cars will run qualifying laps for starting position as there is virtually no chance for rain this weekend. This might help brighten fortunes for some of the teams near the bottom securing better positions for where they’ll be locked in by owner’s poins entering next year.

Yisrayl Hawkins and the Nuclear Baby

Be careful where you drive around Abilene. There’s another one of those wacko (not to be confused with Waco) cults that far exceeds the depraved imagination of David Koresh who might have talked to God, but maybe should have talked to his lawyers before Janet Reno and her crew made Texas barbeque of him and his Branch Davidian followers.

Yisrayl Hawkins is a washed up Texas Cowboy singer “Buffalo Bill” Hawkins who has started yet another (polygamous no less) religious cult. Well Yeow-we, oops, The House of Yahweh, a tangled mix of Old and New Testament references preparing for the second coming of Yahshua the Messiah. They are essentially an apocalyptic cult combining some of the most extreme aspects of Judaism with Revelations and some of the more mystic chapters of the New Testament. Much material comes from The Torah. The Cult observes kosher diets.

Here he is. He’s been born and is developing, the “Nuclear Baby.” In the cuteness department, Baby Jesus is the clear winner, no doubt. He’s out to kill all but around 20% of us. According to Hawkins’ prophecy this little fellah is going to kick some serious ass over around Baghdad. Just what the Iraqis need, another warped terrorist who kills them in droves. Maybe he’s a distant cousin of Saddam Hussein or Bin Ladin. So what would be on his birth certificate, part baby, part nuclear bomb?

Nuclear war was supposed to have started on September 12, 2006 that was to destroy the world. Ooops, that didn’t happen, so instead now, that’s the day the clock started ticking, possibly the birthday of little Nukey pictured above. Maybe Nukey was conceived on that date and born May 7, 2007. Somehow the prophecy hasn’t quite all fallen into place because 4/5’s or 80% of humanity should be dead by now. I guess, little Nukey has found some other cool play things in his crib.

This is no right wing cult, no sir, so help me, Al Gore. They believe that we’re really screwing things up with global warming. However the cause of global warming is sexually transmitted diseases. All those nasty little germ agents are not just killing the sinners but they are also corrupting the holy firmament.

When it comes to little Nukey, I sure wouldn’t want to be that little bastard’s baby sitter. He looks like a cross between “Chucky” and some eastern European dictator doesn’t he?

On February 13, 2008, Hawkins was busted for polygamy on four counts of bigamy. In light of the other activity against Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, their polygamy cults and the prosecution of Warren Jeffs, more attention is bearing down on this group. Some fear they might have a suicide pact.

Anyone for Kool Aid?