Wednesday, February 25, 2009

VIRUS INFECTION


Greetings esteemed readers. I apologize for not writing sooner such as my weekly Sprint Cup Preview, serving as a senior officer in the people's militia to lead the insurrection against the tyranny of Obama-nation, and to generally be the enlighted arbitrator of the truth, defender of logic, senior sports commentator for the Chesapeake region, and cultural affairs correspondent, my humble thoughts have not made it into print thanks to a malicious computer virus attack which absolutely wiped out the operating system on my trustworthy laptop. What appeared to be an email from a beloved nephew turned out to be an insanely corruptive virus which began as a virus alert, direct to some bogus anti-virus software site, shut down all kinds of tools including Task Manager, Display Properties, most of Control Panel, and just about anything else that could be used to clean up the mess.
As such, I have been relegated to the joys of virus eradication, several attempts at reinstalling windows in progressive degrees of installation from fix to major install (at least I didn't have to reformat the hard drive), then loading all kinds of software, moving files and directories, and all kinds of little tweaks. Aside from relocating "my documents" and installing that pain-in-the-ass iTunes and Quick Time players then having to reset the defaults to the proper media player, it looks like I'm almost finished. I was greatly relieved when I found my address book and previous emails all remained in good shape. Now stinking Outlook still needs some tweaking.
All this leads me to the conclusion that waterboarding would be a perfectly legitimate punishment for anyone creating a virus or purposely spreading viruses to others' computers.
What kind of sick, evil mind would create such things? Is this high-tech vandalism or something more sinister? I could see a mindset among anarchists (scum of the earth losers if there ever were ones) or terrorists who would gain some victory in trashing the communication tools of corporate America, but what about the viruses that are just designed to mess up just regular folks' machines? Are these alienated pimple faced nerds who are ignored by all the lovely girls in their class but they suffer from guilt fearing what they learned from mom and dad (if they have dads) that masturbation can cause horrible side effects like hair growing on their palms who might have been bullied one time too many? Are they just inexcusible shitheads? Are they actually created by folks who work for Norton and McAfee to make their cheesy products necessary? WHO KNOWS? STRAP 'EM TO THE BOARD AND BRING ON THE HOT SALT WATER.
There is nothing acceptible about their behavior and they deserve multiple levels of pain in direct proportion to the problems they've caused others, the BASTARDS.

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